Physical resilience can make or break a person. It can open doors and make friends for you. It can even save your life. On average, least resilient are the citizens of developed nations: probably you. Not because we don’t know how to collect rainwater and slaughter a wild boar but, because we are slaves to our bodies. Badassery has less to do with knowledge and more with conditioning and mindset. Below are guidelines on how to be less like Kim Kardashian and more like Les Stroud.
Food.
If you absolutely have to eat at certain times, you are not a badass. Traveling with you is a never-ending planning session around your meals. What if I told you that you can train yourself to eat whenever the food is available, not when your sugar/salt/fat addiction circuits fire? I am not suggesting one should always eat at random — that’s unhealthy — rather have the ability to do so if necessary. Break your food dependence by skipping meals from time to time; forego breakfast and have a glass of OJ; munch on an apple for lunch; go to bed hungry; ingest nothing but water for twenty-four hours. A healthy adult can last three weeks without food. Mechanical or chemical, your body should be able to take a hit and keep going.
Water.
If you carry a water bottle, you are not a badass. Eight glasses of water per day is a myth, anything beyond that is harmful. An average person can survive about three days without water; unless you drink your piss, then it’s longer. A glass or two per day is enough. Needlessly pushing liquids through your system will do only one thing: desalinate your body, making you slower, dumber, and tethered to within five minutes of a toilet. De-train yourself from this awful habit.
Water II.
If you only drink bottled water, you are definitely not a badass. Bottled water is no better than tap water in the United States, Canada, most developed nations, is an environmental disaster, and an ingenious scam. Here is a mild-mannered doctor expressing her noncommittal view in a traditional voice of defensive medicine, here’s Gizmodo, and here are Pen And Teller (requires Hulu+).
Stimulants.
If you cannot go through your day without coffee, tea, or an energy drink, you are not a badass. Coffee is beneficial in reasonable quantities. Caffeine, which you may or may not have in your liquid fuel, is addictive. Regular use can lead to withdrawal symptoms if consumption is interrupted; most notable of which are sleepiness, headaches, and inability to concentrate. If you regularly indulge in stimulants, abruptly stop for a few days to learn how your body reacts. Definitely stop before embarking on a trip to a place where said magical substances are not readily available.
Shelter.
If you can only function at some set temperature, you are not a badass. Your ancestors have survived the Ice Age and the Sahara while being awesome. You have all of the necessary genetic material to function in pretty much any Earthly weather. Only one thing is stopping you: your whining! Turn off the air conditioner/heater once in a while. Learn how you feel and act in those conditions, then resolve to ignore the discomfort. As an added perk, thermodynamic comfort is inversely proportional to the amount of calories you burn.
Clothes and Grooming.
If you’ve never gone a few days without showering and wearing the same set of clothes, you are not a badass. Unlike thirst, hunger, and the desire to be warm, cleanliness is more learned than innate: look at children. Frequent showering is not healthy anyway. Clean clothes are even less accessible than caffeine, don’t depend on them.
Medicine.
If you dip into a bottle of medicine for every headache or muscle pain, you are not a badass. If you are regularly in pain, don’t medicate it away — your body is telling you that you are abusing it and should probably change your lifestyle or consult a physician. Numbing every non-regular ache and treating every scratch with modern medicine leads to addiction, bacteria resistance, and the loss of badass status. The biggest reason for conditioning oneself to tolerate pain and injury is the relative scarcity of medicine. You can find food and water in a city, a forest, even a desert; aspirin or amoxicillin are a different story. Even securing a gauze can be a chore in an unfamiliar setting.
Sleep.
Good sleep is more important than good food (Google it). However, it is prudent to be able to function without it. Your time in college on [insert psychoactive drug] doesn’t count. You are alone, in the wilderness, you need to keep walking for two days with little to no sleep: can you do it? Grab a buddy, go to the nearest national park, embrace your inner caveman, and hike through the night without food! You have a few days before you’re too dumb to read a map.
Sleep II.
If you can only sleep in total darkness, with earplugs, on a cushy mattress, you are not a badass. Once again, the times you passed out on the floor while partying your ass off in college do not count. You will not always have the luxury of all of the above, so call a buddy and go camp in a national forest. Be sure you can fall asleep in all of your street clothes, on a couch, in a downtown apartment, preferably next to a light rail stop.
Epilogue.
I preemptively caution the detractors to interpret this guide as list of things to try, not a list of things to do every day. It is healthy to eat at the same time, drink water, and clean yourself. However, your health and discipline are borderline useless if you can’t function a few days without the amenities of the developed world. Exercise, although painful and uncomfortable, makes one stronger. Treat these recommendations as chemical exercises. Reconnect with your neanderthal roots and be happier.
False Metrics 